{"id":4034,"date":"2012-07-09T17:39:13","date_gmt":"2012-07-09T23:39:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/?p=4034"},"modified":"2012-08-17T07:32:48","modified_gmt":"2012-08-17T13:32:48","slug":"helpless-female-rents-chainsaw","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/helpless-female-rents-chainsaw\/","title":{"rendered":"Helpless Female Rents Chainsaw"},"content":{"rendered":"

It appears that a certain large home improvement store will rent a chainsaw to nearly anyone. \u00a0That is to say, they rented one to me. \u00a0The first fellow who helped me had the breezy cheerful attitude of a man handing out candy to children… with no thought of the consequences. \u00a0The second man, surveyed me with a look of quiet hopelessness, then proceeded to offer instructions like one might explain computer programming to a 2 year old. \u00a0No, wait, it was worse than that. \u00a0I just remembered that 2 year olds\u00a0intuitively know how\u00a0<\/em>to use computers. \u00a0Rather, he had the despairing countenance of impending doom.<\/p>\n

Still, he wanted to go over how to operate the monster as simply as he could for me. \u00a0I tried once to say that my husband would be using it<\/a>, but I don’t think he believed me. \u00a0He told me of a special blue button that would make everything easier, then glanced mournfully at me and said, “There. I pushed it for you.” \u00a0Since he was insistent on explaining how I might turn on this implement of destruction, I listened politely, really trying to understand. \u00a0Unfortunately, I know from experience that the 15 minute drive home would wipe most of it from my memory. \u00a0That’s why I have Greg.<\/p>\n

The car was right there for loading, and as I placed the chainsaw in the trunk I whacked my forehead on the opened trunk door. \u00a0I laughed and was going to say something about being humbled, but he spoke first, with subdued desperation. \u00a0“Are you okay?” \u00a0I think he was more concerned because I didn’t start swearing. \u00a0It was his last proof that I was loopy. \u00a0I assured him I was fine, but he asked again. \u00a0I suppose he was trying to stall me and think about who to call?<\/p>\n

When I got home, Greg took the chainsaw and didn’t even ask me if they had said anything useful. \u00a0<\/em>I had at least wanted to impress him with my knowledge of the blue button! \u00a0It all makes one wonder about laws restricting firearms if just anyone can rent a chainsaw –<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It appears that a certain large home improvement store will rent a chainsaw to nearly anyone. \u00a0That is to say, they rented one to me. \u00a0The first fellow who helped me had the breezy cheerful attitude of a man handing out candy to children… with no thought of the consequences. \u00a0The second man, surveyed me […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[3,19],"tags":[35],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4034"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4034"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4034\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4034"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4034"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyimprovisations.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4034"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}